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  • Written by  Eva Hopf
  • // Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:49
Eva Hopf

My very first time

It was on a bright summer afternoon that I tried it for the first time. I was a teenager looking for states of rapture and mystical revelations, self-assured that those were within my reach.

I still remember it vividly: The family had gone out and I found myself a quiet spot on the living room carpet. I placed my new book in front of me and got ready to pick a method and finally do it.

It had taken me a few years to actually find instruction on how to do it, and just today I had stumbled upon this book in the bookshop. I had bought it, rushed home with it and had read the introduction. Getting more excited by the minute, I had skipped ahead to the second part which included a variety of methods that one can try.  Meditation methods, that is.

So now I was ready: I picked the simplest method, got in position and… well…

… … it was horrible.

 

My method of choice had been to sit in meditation posture and to not think. Sounds easy enough, right?

But the harder I tried, the more crowded my mind became. Lots and lots and lots of thoughts, all of them meaningless, loud and nervous. It was like sitting down in an anthill! I tried harder. Probably I forgot to breathe too.

Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore, jumped up and sat down with the book on the sofa.

What had just happened?

I had just met my mind. It’s mine but I don’t have any control over it. Wow.

Not the revelation I was looking for, but ok, I just have to find better instruction, I said to myself.

 

And a few years later I did. I found a good meditation teacher and learned how to be spacious and humorous with this crazy mind of mine, how to allow it to settle all on it’s own accord and how to view thoughts without getting involved, just like an old man watching children play.

And after a while I made the discovery that would be the most important revolution in my life: That happiness is actually to be found within. It’s the mind that experiences happiness.

Even until this day I’m fascinated by the fact that this happiness arises naturally when I stop trying so hard, but once I try getting a hold of it, it slips away like a wet piece of soap.

So this is how I got hooked: Hooked on meditation, which leads to freedom from grasping.