It has been said to me that these practices are just methods of training and taming the mind, an explanation I accept to a certain extent. But what about long life prayers, removing obstacle prayers and the like? Do lamas really recite those just to train their minds? Or are they really praying, and if so, to whom? Is there an external Buddhist god after all, who responds to appeals of this nature?
I realize these questions reflect a flaw in my own understanding of Vajrayana, rather than a bug in the system itself. My personal practices of meditation and loving kindness are definitely transforming my life. But the ritual and prayers that form part of the next stages of this path do lend themselves to the question : Is Vajrayana just not right for me? Or do I take a leap of faith and trust in the lineage of the Tibetan Buddhist masters? And if I do go on faith alone, am I not going against the basic Buddhist tenet about testing the teachings out for myself?
These thoughts about my spiritual future weighed on me as I walked back to my tent that night. I was attending retreats all over the world, buying the books and doing the practice. What if it was all leading me down a path I couldn’t follow? Would I wake up 5 years from now and realize I had nowhere to go?
The stars were out and I took a moment to look up at them. It’s been a long time since I have seen stars. Then as I reached my tent, a full moon burst out through the dark blue clouds. I stared at it, transfixed by its beauty. I wish I could say that in that moment, all my doubts and worries dissolved. They didn’t. But they did start to recede into the back of my mind. It occurred to me that all I was worried about was a bunch of thoughts. To paraphrase Rinpoche, the moon was bigger than my confusion. I went to bed with my doubts about the future still intact, but for that night at least, they had a little less power over my present.
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I don´t know about others, but to me, what makes the difference is to keep questioning, looking for your own answers, sit with all that shows it face to you, pretty or ugly - "good" or "bad" (only don´t label so much!) - sit with the gritty nitty stuff - blockages, doubts, fears, shame and idiosyncratic so-help-me-God or Buddha, or is there anyone-there-at -all thoughts!
I don´t always find answers or anything that could be put to words in any meaningful way. But when just one tiny spark of clarity hits my mind... that´s what counts. And gives hope for what may lie ahead.
Keep going!
I feel/think the same as you describe here. It is distressing. Blind faith is not an answer for me. Please share more insight as you discover it. I'm sure we are not alone.Just talking about my doubts helps me feel better.Although thats best done when an instructor is present. I am also sure we don't need to 'reinvent the wheel' to come to a positive conclusion and continue on the path.Others have stood here in doubts shoes and then moved forward with conviction and commitment. Can anyone direct me towards the wisdom teachings needed to quell my doubts.
I asked an instructor about how i feel and what you had written and this is what he said.......
a very good question an not very simple to answer. I’ve been puzzling on this matter quite a lot, and this is how I see it:
Tibetan Buddhism is a mixture of spirituality (Dharma) and religion. Religion is actually a pré-rational beliefsystem, and that’s why it usually only works for people who have been brought up in it from very yong age. That’s why for Tibetans the religious aspects of Tibetan Buddhism are to a certain extend conducive to the spiritual path, they are used to it from childhood on. But for us Westerners who have grown over this pré-rationalist ic religious fase, prayers and offerings seem quite contradictory to the spiritual path. For us things have to be rational otherwise we skip them. In fact we have devellopped a sort of “religio-fobia” that pushes our buttons every time we see a ritual or hear a chanting.
So from a spiritual point of view, praying for auspicious circumstances and long life, and for removing obstacles, is not leading towards enlightenment. But when these rituals become a sort of vehicle for spiritual practises, a sort of wholesome circumstance for spiritual practise, than it might work for someone who believes in it. If you don’t believe in it, better skip it and do the spiritual practise in a way that works for you.
To make things even more complicated, in Vajrayana there are also practises like visualising Deities and reciting mantra’s, that are originally very profound spiritual practises, only ment for those who have already realise Shunyata, the emptiness of self and phenomena. But even these practises become religios practises when performed without realising Shunyata. I’m affraid that for most of the people that join these practises in the west, this is the case.
I realise this is a very complicated matter and every dharmastudent has to find his or her own way in it. But it helps to remember what the Buddha himself has said: never to believe his words but test them, find out for yourself. If a practise does not work for you, don’t do it. Try not to judge it, it might work for other people, and even for you in an other stage of the path.
If you have any other questions about this, feel free. You might want to share this with the person you are quoting.
so there you go....share what you find too please...
ERock
In a way, a bodhisattva has all the exact same wants as an sentient being- wanting a long life, wanting favorable conditions and wanting no obstacles. She just has a different purpose or a different motivation for ‘wanting’ these. If we think about it - if she is serious about helping ALL sentient beings and dedicating her life to that end, then it’s only practical, she’d better live a very long life to help more people, she’d better have no obstacles and have only favorable conditions so she can reach more people easily. Her goal isn’t to have short, burdened life full of problems, it’s to help as many people as possible. Though if for some reason - if having a short burdened life could help more people - I have no doubt, that’s what they would then pray for.
I also think that what seems like “wanting” in bodhisattvas is different to our wanting. We want out of attachment for ourselves, bodhisattvas want out of compassion for others.
Another thing that recently struck me was, when we recognize our true nature, is the nature of the teacher, is the true nature of the world of sentient beings .. then praying for his/her long life has a whole different meaning. It’s like the teacher is the light and we’re praying for the light to shine brighter, in us and in all sentient beings. So we’re praying for us and for the world… I mean the “good” in us and the “good” in the world.
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